PSP | hiroispoo

FIRST DRAFT:

Hirotsugu Ishii

A1 Literature

Mr Pangier

November 7th, 2016

Hi, My name is Gideon, and I will be talking about my transition, from my childhood, to my adulthood. It was the start of my ninth grade year when I first moved into the dorm. Everything was new, including the environment, and people. I had a fight with my friend before I moved into the dorm through skype, and I was very nervous about the whole thing when I was going towards the brand new school I was attending called Hokkaido International School.

I was very nervous and excited for this moment, at the time, I did not realize this would be a life changing moment. My first roommate was Niki, I supposed I’d say he was a good first roommate experience, but I may not have been the best roommate. The first few days were awkward, like every new school entry. I knew nobody except my brother, my roommate, and a few people I met through Minecraft and dorm.

I felt as if this affected my change from childhood, to adulthood because of my separation with my family. It was the first time in my life that I had to live separate, and somewhat alone. Although I had dorm parents, and friends taking care of me most of the time, I learned many adult skills. The skills range from very simple, to somewhat difficult.

I had to learn how to do laundry. And this was a first for me. My roommate kept telling me to do the laundry properly, but it didn’t improve quickly, but it did gradually overtime. Another skill I had to learn was to use money properly. Without parents watching me how I spend my money, it was up for me to decide what I need, and want to get with the money I get.

One of my main problems with living an individual life, is spending my time wisely. I would always get called downstairs to do my homework, because my grades were not at their best. From seven to nine at night, I would be forced to take my studies downstairs. Because I had a desktop computer, this was quite the difficult task, as I had to keep my whole entire computer setup, downstairs.

Overtime, I saw an improvement in my own habits, and my grades. Looking back at my own behaviour, I can slightly see the change from my childhood, into my adulthood. I feel as if moving into the school dormitory, was a great success for me. It taught me many life skills, and gave me plenty of opportunities in life. Although I may still be in the transition from childhood to adulthood, I feel as if I am almost there, and that once I graduate, I will be prepared for the long journey ahead of me, thanks to the community and environment of Hokkaido International School.

My experience in the dormitory, was a very bumpy ride, and was a fantastic one. With the last year I have left here, I am sure my finishing touches with the transition will be complete.

SECOND DRAFT:

The transition from my childhood, to my adulthood is one that will change my life forever. I was moving to Hokkaido International School for my ninth grade, and will be staying there till I graduate. Not only was I moving to the school, but I was also going to live in the school's dormitory.

I wasn’t all that nervous when I was heading to Hokkaido, in fact, I was very excited. Excited to see the new environment of Hokkaido and the school. I know some of the people there through my brother, named Joshua. I had skyped some people who attend Hokkaido International School to play games with, specifically Minecraft.

Little did I know, some of Joshua’s friends were waiting for him outside the school, and for me too. I saw the school in the distance, a large brick building. Then, I see three people waving at us, yelling the name “Joshua!” They knew that I was coming, and a little brother of Joshua, that’s questionable.

I arrived at the dormitory the night before the opening ceremony for school. There I met the dormies, and I met Hiro, who I played Minecraft with through skype over the summer break. It was slightly awkward, we kind of had a fight over something so small and stupid. But it wasn’t what I expected. He had already prepared his apology, with a melon soda on my table. Melon is my all time favorite, and Hiro sure did do well.

The first roommate I was with is Niki. He was a pretty outgoing guy, and I suppose he was a good roommate for my first dorm experience. Living somewhat alone, was a life changer for me. There was no mom to do laundry, and all that had to be done by me. I was clueless with how to do laundry, and that was one of the first life skills I learned at the school’s dormitory. Although I still may not be excelling at it, I am improving.

Living somewhat alone means I have to spend my time wisely, and I was not great at that. Grades failing, and freedom restricted. The dorm parents sent me downstairs, every day from seven to nine pm. During these hours, I had to study, and study. I couldn’t go upstairs during these hours until my grades improved, and that's not the worst part. I had a desktop computer, and that had to be moved downstairs. How embarrassing. Except Friday and Saturday, I was as free as I could be.

Overtime, my overall lifestyle improved. I had better grades, and I knew everyone in the dorm I’d say pretty well. Looking back at the time I first moved, I can for sure say that there is a huge improvement in the Gideon you know today. The transition from my childhood to adulthood was a success, even though I didn’t know it was going on. The dormitory taught me plenty of life skills, and gave me tons of opportunities. Thanks to the amazing environment, I am sure this has prepared me to become an adult once I graduate.

PARAGRAPH OF CHANGES

First of all, I cleared some of the information up, making it more practical and easier to understand. I tried to keep the structure the same, because one table group said that my structure was clear, and I also tried to keep the reading simple as the table group also liked that. I added more information to the beginning to allow the reader to understand fully what is going on from the start.

THIRD DRAFT:

I wasn’t all that nervous when I was heading to Hokkaido, in fact, I was very excited. I was excited to see the new environment of Hokkaido and the school. I already knew some people there through my older brother, Joshua, and I had skyped those people to specifically play Minecraft.

We arrived at the dormitory the night before the school’s opening ceremony. There I met the dormies, and I met Hiro, who I played Minecraft with through skype over the summer break. It was slightly awkward, We kind of had a fight over something so small and stupid, but it wasn’t what I expected. He had already prepared his apology with a bottle melon soda on my table. Melon is my all time favorite, so Hiro sure did do well.

The first roommate I had was Niki. He was a pretty outgoing guy, and I suppose he was a good roommate for my first dorm experience. Living somewhat alone was a life changer for me. There was no mom to do laundry, and all that had to be done by me. I was clueless with how to do laundry, and that was one of the first life skills I learned at the school’s dormitory. Although I still may not be excelling at it, I am improving.

Overtime, my overall lifestyle improved. I had better grades, and I knew everyone in the dorm pretty well. Looking back at the time I first moved, I can for sure say that there is a huge improvement in the Gideon you know today. The transition from my childhood to adulthood was a success, even though I didn’t know it was going on. The dormitory taught me plenty of life skills, and gave me tons of opportunities. Thanks to the amazing environment, I am sure this has prepared me to become an adult once I graduate.

PARAGRAPH OF CHANGES

I had someone check my PSP this time, and helped me get rid of unnecessary things. It makes it sound a whole lot cleaner and sound better. I also replaced some of the old sentences to renew them, and some were completely gotten rid of.

FINAL DRAFT:

Hirotsugu Ishii

A1 Literature

Mr Pangier

November 16th, 2016

The transition from my childhood, to my adulthood is the one thing that will change my life forever. I was moving to Hokkaido International School for my ninth grade, and will be staying there until I graduate. Not only was I moving to the school, I was also going to live in the school’s dormitory.

I wasn’t that nervous when I Was heading to Hokkaido, in fact, I was very excited. I was excited to see the new environment of Hokkaido and the school. I already knew some people there through my older brother, Joshua, and I had skyped those people to specifically play Minecraft.

Living somewhat alone means I have to spend my time wisely, and I was not great at that. Grades failing, and freedom restricted. The dorm parents sent me downstairs, every day from seven to nine pm. During these hours, I had to study, and study. I couldn’t go upstairs during these hours until my grades are improved, and that's not the worst part. I had a desktop computer, and that had to be moved downstairs. How embarrassing. Except Friday and Saturday, I was as free as I could be.

Overtime, my overall lifestyle improved. I had better grades, and I knew everyone in the dorm pretty well. Looking back at the time I first moved in, I can for sure say that there is a huge improvement in the Gideon you know today. The transition from my childhood to adulthood was a success, even though I didn’t know it was going on. The dormitory taught me plenty of life skills, and gave me tons of opportunities. Thanks to the amazing environment, I am sure this experience has prepared me to become an adult once I graduate.